Bohemian? Pah!

You think that you're bohemian, 'cos you quote from Oscar Wilde
Your lame attempts at clichéd wit are somewhat less than mild
While strangers quote my original lines and emulate my style

You think that you're bohemian, 'cos you went to a cocktail party
I had champagne for breakfast at 3pm and that was just last Monday
I've already necked my tenth absinthe while you're faffing with your second latte

You think that you're bohemian, 'cos you once had a sixty-nine
As if a bit of oral makes you worthy of a prize
Get back to me when she's cum so much she can't control her thighs

You think that you're bohemian, by reciting Nietzsche's words
Your sad naïve philosophy is cute if a little absurd
If you actually were the Übermensch perhaps you'd be worth being heard

You think that you're bohemian, 'cos of that time you kissed a man
But while you were kissing the singer I was fucking the rest of the band
Call me when you're in a seething mass of lips and legs and hands

You think that you're bohemian, 'cos once you took cocaine
But I've created cocktails, of drugs that have no name
It's fun watching clones protest their uniqueness when really they're all the same

You think that you're bohemian, 'cos your relationship's open-plan
While my network of fuck-buddies needs a colour-coded plan
You only think that you're bohemian, but baby, I so am!