Morbidly Obese

When you get in a car does the suspension sag?
Do your tits leave enough space to expand the air bag
Does it make you ashamed to step out of your home
When I saw you on Google-Earth you were bigger than Rome
To take your whole photo I'd need a wide-angle lens
I could sell your ass for soap and buy a Mercedes Benz
Your gut has a system of asteroids and moons
And the pores in your nose are a home for raccoons
Your butt-crack's too scary for Evil Knievil to jump
And Greenpeace protests at you taking a dump
There is something wrong with being that size
When you have to pay a man to clean the crooks of your thighs

Now don't get me wrong I like a woman with curves
But yours in the wet even Schumacher would swerve
A girl all skin and bone looks as ugly as you
But with the skin that covers you I could carpet the moon
Now don't get me wrong I am hardly Brad Pitt
But I watch what I eat and I'm reasonably fit
I avoid macky-D's, maybe walk to the shops
It's hardly Jane Fonda, or Top of the Pops

Don't blame society if you can't get laid
I'd need a harness and crampons just to get half way
Don't claim you're a victim, you're morbidly obese
It wasn't the glamour mags that made you eat all that cheese
Don't place fault on hormones, or on your DNA
Genetics won't make you eat 10 big macs a day
So it runs in the family? So your mama's fat too
Does she get through as many McDonalds as you?

Now don't get me wrong, we're all a bit overweight
But your bulk could slow down a tectonic plate
If you were just a bit plump, then I've gone a bit far
But there's not enough vaseline to squeeze you in to my car
Now don't get me wrong I know that dieting sucks
But if you don't do something soon you'll be buried in a box
It'd take the channel tunnel digger to excavate your grave
But with the food you wouldn't be eating, think how many africans we'd save